[ He opens his mouth reflexively, then snaps it shut and eyes her again, clearly debating something and only speaking again when it's clear he's decided one way or another. ]
In all honesty-- no, but there's really nothing to be done about it. And if I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure I trust myself very much at all right now, because while I like to think I'm fairly reasonable, a lot of things seemed rather reasonable when the corruption was staring back at us.
[ Hm. Yeah. Bad. ]
... But you didn't come here to hear me talk about that, I think. So what did you come to me for?
[There's a smile, a little bit self conscious, but she continues after a moment regardless.]
Lune always talks about how important it is to understand how the darkness affects people, and what it does to them, so... I was wondering if you noticed anything when you got repartnered.
... Think of every intrusive thought you've ever had. All the things that you catch and would make you think: 'That's awful, I'm a terrible person.' Or the things you don't, and instead agree with, despite hating yourself for it regardless.
[ a pause, somewhat hesitant- but he presses onward after deliberating over his words. ]
All those thoughts are perfectly fine, normal even. You don't see anything wrong with snapping at anyone who even slightly offends you. You're angry, they're wrong, you're perfectly justified in what you're doing. They don't know anything. Who are they to judge you?
... Is how I think I'd describe it. I'm not so sure that it's a completely foreign influence so much that it just... magnifies everything wrong in a person, and shoves it to the front.
[ it's discomfiting. but the gaze he turns upon her after he finishes is questioning: did that help? ]
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In all honesty-- no, but there's really nothing to be done about it. And if I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure I trust myself very much at all right now, because while I like to think I'm fairly reasonable, a lot of things seemed rather reasonable when the corruption was staring back at us.
[ Hm. Yeah. Bad. ]
... But you didn't come here to hear me talk about that, I think. So what did you come to me for?
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[There's a smile, a little bit self conscious, but she continues after a moment regardless.]
Lune always talks about how important it is to understand how the darkness affects people, and what it does to them, so... I was wondering if you noticed anything when you got repartnered.
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[ a pause, somewhat hesitant- but he presses onward after deliberating over his words. ]
All those thoughts are perfectly fine, normal even. You don't see anything wrong with snapping at anyone who even slightly offends you. You're angry, they're wrong, you're perfectly justified in what you're doing. They don't know anything. Who are they to judge you?
... Is how I think I'd describe it. I'm not so sure that it's a completely foreign influence so much that it just... magnifies everything wrong in a person, and shoves it to the front.
[ it's discomfiting. but the gaze he turns upon her after he finishes is questioning: did that help? ]
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So Lune and Sol were right when they said it just brings what's already there up to the surface.
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[ after a long, appraising moment, he tilts his head a little before inclining it. ]
But I'm also only one person. Have you talked to the other partnerless about this? To compare?
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[She gives him a thumbs up, though.]
That's next on my to do list.
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[ Hisoka's a creep but Axel was right there all week. Also, Val and Cinnabar... probably aren't that bad. Maybe. ]
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I don't know you as well, and they keep mentioning how important it is to get to know everyone... I thought this was as good a chance as any.
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Well, since that's what we're doing-- have any other questions for me while we're here?
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You didn't notice anything physically? It didn't hurt, or anything like that?
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[ all that swirling darkness and stuff, right.
he shakes his head. ]
If you were looking for symptoms like, I don't know, chest pain, or something like that, I don't know what to tell you. Unfortunately.
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If only it were, right? Sorry.
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[...]
Hopefully it didn't feel like I was grilling you.
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I offered, didn't I? Why should I be mad at you for taking me up on it?
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It could've still been uncomfortable once we started. But, I'm glad if it wasn't.
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[ It's very faintly amused. Teenage understatement and wryness at its best. ]
So you're fine, really. It's in the best interests of all of us to try to figure this stuff out, isn't it?
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Yeah, it is. So if you find out anything else that might be important...
[She trails off, but her meaning is clear enough.]