My sister was the only member of my family I really got along with, and she died when some asshole wasn't paying attention and drove into her car.
[...]
I hadn't seen any of them in a while before that happened. I'd been in another country for a few years, and it wasn't exactly a happy reunion when I came back for her funeral.
[having a living, but strained family can be as painful as having them gone, he thinks. maybe more. in death you don't have to acknowledge they won't smile at you.]
Mother and I had something of a strained relationship, between Father's death and hers. My brother and I fought at times, but... we were always still one.
...I wouldn't really say Jane and I were one. I mean, partly because that's a pretty creepy way to put it, which I hope you realize, but more than that...
[She shrugs.]
She was always the better one. Good grades, good with people... When we were both kids, she had this journal where she mapped out what she wanted to do with her life. When she wanted to have a career, a house, a spouse, that kind of thing. And she went on to do all of that before she died. Meanwhile, I'm still working as a barista at 31. [...] It's always the good ones, right? Though I guess she... would have died anyways.
It was true. What he couldn't fulfill, I did; what I couldn't have, he had. Together we made up one whole.
Though it sounds like our positions are reversed... he often said he didn't have my talent.
[so while he can sympathize with being the less accomplished child, it's... not the role he had. he can't empathize with it too.
he's quiet for several moments before he speaks again, though. even the fact that he's dead and none of this truly matters doesn't make this one any easier to talk about.]
[she has no idea how right she is. after a brief and uncomfortable silence:]
The Fuuma rite of passage-- a spell to kill the heart, some call it. Kill someone dear to you, assigned by the elders... then be sealed in a darkness-filled box for seven days. Those who survive become full members of the clan.
We aren't born like this. The darkness isn't simply an absence of light-- our hair and eye color change in the process, marking those who have been successful.
[remember how he said they do this between ages four and ten
...my people are raised and trained to follow the Head's command-- the clan comes above all else, even one's own life. Most would never think to leave, and those who acted against him were killed.
But it's just as you think. He was assigned as my target.
What would you have had us do? Abandon everything, rather than trying to change it-- when the clan was meant to come above all else? The cycle was nearly completed. The clan was in decline. We didn't need to leave, we needed a new Head.
[ah. he's actually a little more forceful, there, before he exhales a breath and calms himself.
[he was ten, maybe eleven. where would he have gone? how could he have left them, when all he wanted was-
well, maybe it was never possible.]
...he tried, though. Disguised himself and tried to kill the Head, so it wouldn't have to happen. I didn't know.
She wouldn't look at me the same way after, regardless.
[this alone is much more than anyone's ever gotten out of him, and it's so uncomfortable, but-
it's the only time he's spoken of this... ever, really. it's been dammed up somewhere while he lived another life. he and his brother never needed to speak about their history with each other.
if there's a chance he won't come back in the end, if everyone who knows at home is dead too-- isn't another dead person the only safe one to tell?]
Well, you know how when you drink alcohol, it makes you feel differently? It's a little bit like that. If you ingest it, you'll feel happier, calmer, that kind of thing. It's kind of like saying I want to own a vineyard, except it's a lot healthier than alcohol is.
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[...]
I hadn't seen any of them in a while before that happened. I'd been in another country for a few years, and it wasn't exactly a happy reunion when I came back for her funeral.
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[having a living, but strained family can be as painful as having them gone, he thinks. maybe more. in death you don't have to acknowledge they won't smile at you.]
Mother and I had something of a strained relationship, between Father's death and hers. My brother and I fought at times, but... we were always still one.
[he kind of gets it.]
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[She shrugs.]
She was always the better one. Good grades, good with people... When we were both kids, she had this journal where she mapped out what she wanted to do with her life. When she wanted to have a career, a house, a spouse, that kind of thing. And she went on to do all of that before she died. Meanwhile, I'm still working as a barista at 31. [...] It's always the good ones, right? Though I guess she... would have died anyways.
[She shakes her head.]
What happened with your mother?
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Though it sounds like our positions are reversed... he often said he didn't have my talent.
[so while he can sympathize with being the less accomplished child, it's... not the role he had. he can't empathize with it too.
he's quiet for several moments before he speaks again, though. even the fact that he's dead and none of this truly matters doesn't make this one any easier to talk about.]
I mentioned our rite to you, didn't I?
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[Which is to say, she's listening.]
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The Fuuma rite of passage-- a spell to kill the heart, some call it. Kill someone dear to you, assigned by the elders... then be sealed in a darkness-filled box for seven days. Those who survive become full members of the clan.
We aren't born like this. The darkness isn't simply an absence of light-- our hair and eye color change in the process, marking those who have been successful.
[remember how he said they do this between ages four and ten
yeah.]
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What the fuck?! And - you couldn't just leave? [...] Wait, when you said things got strained between your father's death and hers, you didn't mean...
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But it's just as you think. He was assigned as my target.
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[ah. he's actually a little more forceful, there, before he exhales a breath and calms himself.
it's fine. he is fine.]
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If changing it required me to kill my own dad, I probably would not have been too keen to have gone that way.
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[he was ten, maybe eleven. where would he have gone? how could he have left them, when all he wanted was-
well, maybe it was never possible.]
...he tried, though. Disguised himself and tried to kill the Head, so it wouldn't have to happen. I didn't know.
She wouldn't look at me the same way after, regardless.
[this alone is much more than anyone's ever gotten out of him, and it's so uncomfortable, but-
it's the only time he's spoken of this... ever, really. it's been dammed up somewhere while he lived another life. he and his brother never needed to speak about their history with each other.
if there's a chance he won't come back in the end, if everyone who knows at home is dead too-- isn't another dead person the only safe one to tell?]
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He...? Your father or your brother? And - were they punished for it?
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We all act at the Head's command-- of course he'd be defended from an unknown assassin.
[it wasn't what he meant. if shirasu knew, he wouldn't have stabbed him.]
But I completed my rite.
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[At the very least - there's a light note of sympathy in her voice.]
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I think that's to be expected. It's for the best if it's all something foreign to you.
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[...]
Anything else you were curious about?
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[She gives a small sigh.]
I was studying botany... I wanted to start my own weed farm.
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[like yes she just said this is what she wants to do with her life and it's rude to question it but also:
what the fuck. those don't do shit.]
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[Oh. After a moment, she realizes - he probably wouldn't know what that is.]
No, it's a kind of plant where I'm from. It's... medicinal. People sell it for a lot of money.
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[terrible name for a plant, but whatever.]
Were there any others you were interested in, or is that your sole focus?
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[She pauses for a moment.]
Well, you know how when you drink alcohol, it makes you feel differently? It's a little bit like that. If you ingest it, you'll feel happier, calmer, that kind of thing. It's kind of like saying I want to own a vineyard, except it's a lot healthier than alcohol is.
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[close... enough?]
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